Simple and Clean
by The Inamorata
Summary: [Songfic][New Moon][Bella x Edward] A songfic to Simple and Clean by Utada Hikaru. Takes place in New Moon, around the time that Bella is depressed because Edward left. Rated T for suggestive suicide.


Author's Note: A songfic to **Simple and Clean by Utada Hikaru**. It takes place around the time that Edward leaves in New Moon, just to be clear.

Disclaimer: The song is property of Utada Hikaru, the characters and setting property of Stephenie Meyer. Enjoy.

_Words in italics are song lyrics  
_Normal words are by me

* * *

Simple and Clean 

A _Twilight _Songfic by **The Inamorata**

_When you walk away  
You don't hear me say please  
Oh baby, don't go  
Simple and clean is the way that you're making me feel tonight  
It's hard to let it go_

I sat in my room with the door closed, the old rocking chair against it so one could bust through unless they used a great force. I used pushpins to hang a thick, black sheet over the window so no light could enter. My room was dark and silent except for the slow and steady sound of my breathing. I thought of nothing but the sweet memories that we had shared in this room… especially the one where you promised you'd never leave.

_You're giving me too many things  
Lately you're all I need  
You smiled at me and said,  
"Don't get me wrong I love you  
But does that mean I have to meet your father?"  
When we are older you'll understand  
What I meant when I said, "No,  
I don't think life is quite that simple."  
_

I took a deep breath and tried imagine your scent, which stood out clearly in my mind. I could think it, dream it, shape it my mind, but I could recreate it. The memory was beginning to fade, beginning to wash away. A single tear escaped, searching—as I was—for something to grasp, to hold on to, to believe in. Something to understand.

_When you walk away  
You don't hear me say please  
Oh baby, don't go  
Simple and clean is the way that you're making me feel tonight  
It's hard to let it go  
_

A reminiscence of that day broke me in half—I had cried so much then, and I cry so much now. I've lost myself, unable to detach myself from you. But surely, you must know the pain that this is causing me, and understand how much it hurts me on the inside. You say I don't understand, but even in your years it is you who cannot comprehend this terrifying pain.

_The daily things  
that keep us all busy  
all confusing me that's when you came to me and said,  
"Wish I could prove I love you  
but does that mean I have to walk on water?"  
When we are older you'll understand  
It's enough when I say so,  
And maybe some things are that simple  
_

I cannot perform miracles or do the impossible; I am merely a human. You had shown me the incredible possibilities, but ripped them away from me without a backwards glance. If you were gone and gone for good then there was no longer a reason for me to be here. I opened my eyes and wiped away the tears, turning my head to see the knife lying on the table.

_When you walk away  
You don't hear me say please  
Oh baby, don't go  
Simple and clean is the way that you're making me feel tonight  
It's hard to let it go_

I reached for the knife and held it in my hand, turning it over to look at it and debating internally on the true solution.

_Hold me  
Whatever lies beyond this morning  
Is a little later on  
Regardless of warnings the future doesn't scare me at all  
Nothing's like before_

I stood up with the knife in hand and held the point to my heart. What was I thinking? I could never do this. I struck the knife down roughly, and the point suck in the wood paneling of my floor, vibrating back and forth until finally becoming still.

_When you walk away  
You don't hear me say please  
Oh baby, don't go  
Simple and clean is the way that you're making me feel tonight  
It's hard to let it go_

I ripped the blanket off the window, letting the pins clatter to the ground with a slight, tingling noise. I threw the window open despite the rain and leaned outside, gazing into the distance, the raindrops soaking through me.

_Hold me  
Whatever lies beyond this morning  
Is a little later on  
Regardless of warnings the future doesn't scare me at all  
Nothing's like before_

I took a deep breath. I had to believe. I had to believe he was coming back. I needed to wash away my doubts with the rain. Everything was so dramatic, difficult and complicated. I wanted only one thing—Edward. Nothing complicated. Just Edward—all I needed was something simple and clean.

_Hold me  
Whatever lies beyond this morning  
Is a little later on  
Regardless of warnings the future doesn't scare me at all  
Nothing's like before_


End file.
